Just about everyone on planet Earth has been through a break-up! There’s no escaping the heartache you feel when a relationship ends. Regardless of how long you two were together if you managed to make a meaningful connection with one another the s*** hurts. Your emotional state, the personal connection an attachment that you feel, aligned with the history that you share are reasons that you keep Communication open with an Ex. It’s my personal believed that when a relationship ends that both parties need to go their separate ways and cease communications/contact unless there is a valid reasons why communication is needed; such as children, business obligations, financial responsibilities or etc.
Having open communication with an ex is like letting an old wound Fester! BETTER YET ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE The longer you stay in contact with one another you hinder yourself because, for most people it distracts you from moving on. For me personally in my past relationships whenever I didn’t cease communication with them it prolonged the process of getting over them and moving on. Since I was still communicating with them it kept me emotionally vested and very much intertwined, I just couldn’t let go. I didn’t get the closure that I needed; which ultimately meant I wasn’t healing.
Below are the most common reasons that people tend to communicate with their past lovers!
1.) I feel like most people continue communicating with their past lovers because their either still in love with them or want to resume having a relationship. If you haven’t read my previous blog on Letting Go then you should! It is very insightful click the link below to catch up on all the gems that’s embedded Between the Lines. https://blankcanvasdiaries.com/2018/03/22/the-letting-go-process/ ; However if you have read it than you would know that until you have gone through the Stage of Lossing The Personal Conection & Dettachment Phase; that you’re still going to feel a sense of attachment to your Ex-Partner. True Love is not something that just dissipates and vanishes within a blink of an eye; it take time. Therefore, Communicating with them does nothing, but cause confusion and it is absurd to think otherwise; Separation is Vital.
2.) Another reason why people still continue to communicate with their Ex-Lovers is because they are Holding Out Hope and Wishing on A Star! Since they haven’t let go and accepted that the relationship is over for one and secondly accepted that it has failed; They believe that their Ex-Lover is going to change. Especially, if they are being convinced by their Ex to give them a second chance. I’ve learned from personal experiences that nothing can make anyone change except for time, effort, willingness, and self discipline. These are the tools that work: so it doesn’t matter how much emphasis you put on it; if they don’t want to change they are not going change. If a person has shown you their true colors you need to believe it. Until someone has proven themselves worthy of your time and forgiveness to enter back into you Sacred Space don’t be Fooled. Remember this the First time is a Mistake, Second time is Choice, and Third time is a Bad Decision on Your Part! Don’t allow your heart to be a revolving door to Heartache.
3.) Another reason why people continue communicating is because they feel like it’s going to Work Out This Time. Regardless of how many failed attempts they’ve had in the past, this time it’s Destiny. Often time old issues have not been resolved which makes this a playground for Disfunction and Catalyst for Epic Failure.
4.) For some people the security that they felt in their past relationship is why they continue communicating. The comfort and familiarity that the other person brings is appeasing to them. They may be scared to try it with someone else new, and because they already know what to expect from their past lover in their eyes it much easier. THEY ARE WHAT I LIKE TO CALL BACK PADDLERS…they are afraid to try it with someone new for fear of getting hurt again. Really their just using their past lover as a shield of protection or on the other hand it’s a means of entry! It’s easy to get back in good when the “Door is Open”!
5.) For some people it’s simply to keep in touch. They may be curious about what the other person is up to, so it’s as harmless as that. “No harm no foul!” Perhaps the breakup was mutual and it didn’t end on bad terms. Maybe they made a vow to each other to remain having “friendly casual” Contact.
In closing if you are someone who has recently faced a breakup and is currently going through this situation; however you are unsure about which approach to take; trust your instincts. No one can tell you what to do, but i would advise you to use extreme caution and discernment when treading this very slippery slope. Although, It is my personal belief that communication to an extent must cease between Ex-Lovers: especially following a breakup. I know that people are not waste, so they should not be disgarded to the side like Garbage. However, I believe that anything beyond SIMPLE COURTESY IS NOT NECESSARY! People come together to learn and grow from one another and once our jobs have been fulfilled it’s time to move on. Don’t Miss Your Next Blessing Starring Back At What Has Already Proven Not To Be For You; Don’t Be Afraid To Turn The Page you’ll never know what’s Awaiting in the NEXT CHAPTER! PEACE ✌& 💖 LOVE!