Maybe you’re a person who has a Substance Abuse Problem. Maybe you’re someone who has an Anger Problem. Maybe you struggle with Low Self-Esteem which has resulted in deeply rooted Insecurities. Maybe you have a problem with Communication, you’re either passive-aggressive or volatile and explosive. Perhaps you’re a Jealous person. Maybe you’re someone who struggles with Dominancy and Control. Maybe you’re someone who has experienced a lot of Childhood Turmoil; as a result you mask your pain. Perhaps you’re someone who has Daddy Issues so you seek attention and validation from others to feel a void. I believe that these are all symptoms of something else that is brewing deeper inside of you. Whatever your Vice, Issues, or Problems are that are causing you pain, dysfunction, toxic or unhealthy behavior you cannot overcome any of that until you are ready to Acknowledge it. Acknowledging and Acceptance is key! You cannot expect to overcome and heal from anything if you’re not ready to acknowledge it exist.
Most people live in a state of denial; because it is safe. Denial doesn’t force you to accept Accountability. For me personally, I was in a state of denial for years; about the extent of the emotional baggage I was carrying. I honestly didn’t believe anything was wrong with me sure I had insecurities, but who doesn’t. I just brushed it off as something that everybody goes through. Even though I know mine held me captive at times. I had become so accustomed to living with them, that it was no longer a forethought. It had become an afterthought; I had conditioned my life around these insecurities through my behavior in ways that I wasn’t even conscious of anymore. How many times have you been discourage about wearing something that you had clear intention on putting on, but than at the last minute decided to go against it because maybe it accentuated something you didn’t like? Yes, I’ve been there too! As far as the other emotional baggage I was carrying around; I had the typical “It is what it is mentality”. I believed because it was in the past it no longer mattered nor affected me even though I never officially dealt with the pain. I know it sounds crazy but I avoided it for years because I didn’t want to deal with my own problems. “Denial” is a river in Egypt it shouldn’t be a permanent State of Mind! Free your mind in the rest will follow.
Another one of my favorites is the Blame Game. Someone who blames everyone else for everything that has happened to them is simply looking for a cop out. They’re not mature enough to assume Responsibility. I know in life that sometimes things happen that are out of our control, you didn’t ask for it to happen, you didn’t deserve it, yet it still happened. True enough those are misfortunate events; however as an Adult it’s your job to assume Responsibility for you and your life. What your mother and father did or didn’t do, childhood drama, outside influences rather; environmental surroundings or other people’s bias doesn’t matter. It’s your job to be responsible for how those interactions have not only impacted you but shaped your reality.
Once you have not only Acknowledged but Accepted it; You are now ready to make a plan to tackle it. The first thing I suggest you do is not overwhelm yourself by trying to take on so many of your issues/problems at once; this will no work! Instead try to tackle one area or problem, this will allow you to focus in on the problem. Thus you making the necessary adjustments in your life to overcome your issues. Also by toning in on one area it allows you to see the progress you are making which is vital.
Another thing that is essential to the process is identifying your bad behavior so you will be able to break your bad habits. Ask yourself are you masking your pain in unhealthy ways? This can take forms in many ways such as drugs, alcohol consumption, sex, food, shopping, gambling, working, and also by simply ignoring it. If you are masking your pain try to cut back so you can address the underlying issue or seek additional help; an unresolved problem is still a problem. I believe I masked my dysfunctional way by staying busy! When evaluating your bad habits something else to be mindful of is Learned Behavior! As we all know history has the tendency of repeating itself. Meaning your up bringing definitely influences your actions. Learned Behavior can be the most deceptive because if you aren ‘t unaware of something you will continue to do it. (Prime Example) I believe that women have been taught to carry the load especially Single Mothers since before time! In most cases such as mine; there is usually no support physically nor financially. So we began to feel unappreciated, devalued, overwhelmed, stressed, and tired; however we keep pushing foward and we never complain! This isn’t the best way to live because if you’re under pressure and feeling under appreciated; you’re clearly not operating as your Best Self and often times we take it out on the ones who are closes to us (our kids). True enough you may be unable to change your circumstances at the moment but find healthier ways to Carry Your Load! Cut off any learned behavior that may be directly affecting your bad habits.
Doing this time it is crucial that you watch the company that you keep! You want and need to be around like-minded people who mean well and align with where you’re trying to go. This may mean cutting off ties with certain people or at least putting them at bay. Whenever someone calls me with negativity and drama I don’t have any problem with putting them in check by simply saying No Thank You & Goodbye! Getting out of your comfort zone is another great thing that I recommend that you do; when trying to overcome your problems/issues. This builds character and confidence. Look for a healthy release so don’t be afraid to seek professional advice/guidance if needed. Some of the challenges that we face in life are simply too hard to handle on our own. Other helpful activities that you can do that maybe therapeutic to your healing is reading, painting, exercising, yoga, or writing. For me writing has been so therapeutic and helping me work through my problems and issues. It has helped me release the negative pain and experiences that shaped my reality. It Shined a light on the subconscious thoughts that was swimming around in my head. Also helped with exposing the dark secrets, and ugly truth that we all hide inside ourselves.
Remember to be Positive! You need to Motivate, Uplift and Encourage yourself daily. You can do this by looking for inspiration through videos, tapes, or etc. I joined an online social group that has been fabulous that is hosted by the incredible MJ Harris. Constantly be mindful of what you are allowing to influence you! For me personally I took it a step further; I was mindful of the type of music I listened to, television shows I watched, and the amount of social media I was exposed to. As I begin to make progress in the different areas my interest started to change as well as my priorities.
Please remember that everyone story isn’t the same so therefore everyone’s Journey isn’t going to be the same neither. What works for others may not work for some so don’t compare yourself. The Important Factors are to be Consistent, to make it a Priority, Stay Positive by actively encouraging and uplifting yourself, but most importantly Find Out What Works For You.
Think of it this way we already have enough outside pressures in life holding us back. So we definitely don’t need the added stress of our own crippling ways limiting us. It is clinically Insane to continue to do the same thing but expect different results! Envision the life you want to live free of whatever that is keeping you captive and start to actively pursue that.